Archive for January, 2008
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
With each and every day, I grow closer to my Love. We share not only our time, but our hopes, dreams, and fears, as well. Time with Dang is the best. There is nothing better that I can be doing than sharing with Mama. And this is what we want, right? The passing of time is what is bringing us closer, for it is with time we fall deeper in love. Yes, but this blessing is a curse, too.
As we fall deeper in love with the passing of each day, we grow closer to the day I must leave for South Korea. I face this day with dread. Every day, I remind myself that I still have time with Dang; but each time that I do, I am also reminding myself that I have one less day than I did yesterday.
Life is that way, I suppose. The good comes with the bad; there is no separating one from another. I say this with a sigh. My head hangs sadly. I want to cry at the time that I am the happiest man alive.
Mama, I want to hold on to every day. I wish that I were a god who could control time and space…. I would command the days to hold still. I would have this time to last without ending, but that’s selfish of me. Maybe, I’m not seeing the full picture through the painful thoughts of leaving you.
When I do leave, we move closer to our wedding day; we move closer to the rest of our very long life together; we move closer to Dom, Destiny, and Delilah. When I think about that, I wouldn’t put off tomorrow, because tomorrow holds so much joy and promise for us.
This is the hardest lesson love has ever taught me: you must embrace pain with joy…. you must be brave enough to feel freely…. you must cry in order to laugh. It’s part of the package deal, and I have to face that.
Dang, I say this for the whole world to hear: I LOVE YOU- passionately, wholly, and completely. I dread the day I must part from you for that short season, but I celebrate what we are moving toward.
Again, I LOVE YOU, and I will carry that to South Korea, and all the other ends of the Earth, in my heart. We may be separated by space, but our love will never fall away from our hearts, and because we have genuine love for one another, we can never truly be that far a part.
Love binds, and love draws us nigh to the one we adore.
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
Dang and I got back from Southern Thailand Sunday afternoon, and, now that I’ve had time to settle back into life here in Bangkok, it is time to tell you about our trip together.
First, as you may remember, I was so very nervous, for I was to meet my Dang’s family for the first time. In my heart, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was one of the most important things that I was to do in a long time. It had to go well for Dang, as-well-as me.
“What if I make a fool out of myself and embarrass Dang? What if I don’t show the proper amount of respect? What if they don’t like me? What if, what if, what if?” Too many, “What ifs.”
I felt that way early on, mainly before we actually left to go South, but Dang eased my worries with her excitement. In the airport, the joy she felt was obvious. Not only was it obvious, it was contagious. Before I knew, I was feeling less nervous and more excited. I was going to a place special to Dang to see the ones she holds most dear.
At the airport, check-in and security were smooth; actually, it was the smoothest I’ve ever experienced. Dang was the leader here, which was a first for me. I’m usually in control when traveling. It was nice. She guided us through the whole trip like a pro. I was very proud. I know, it may not seem like much, but a lot of people simply don’t have the sense or the nerve to make good travelers, but not Mama. She’s got what it takes.
We waited for our flight, joked about the “giant chicken” we were about to fly in, and just allowed ourselves to relax and enjoy the experience.
O.k, you want to know about the giant chicken, right? This is an inside joke of ours. We flew Nok Airlines, which was nice, by-the-way. I speak a total of five Thai words and understand less. So, I had no idea what Nok meant. When I saw the airplane, I said, “It’s a giant chicken! We’re going to fly south in a giant chicken….” looked like a giant chicken to me.
“No, Papa. Nok means bird.”
“A chicken is a bird, Mama.”
So, now. We call it “Chicken Air.” I’m laughing just thinking about it.
Again, the flight was smooth. As we were nearing our destination, Mama glowed. She was almost home. This made me not only calmer, but happy. I was ready to see this special place and share it with Mama.
When we arrived, her sister was waiting on us with her colleague. They were, like almost everyone associated with Dang, gracious. The trip to Dang’s house was about 100 km, so there was a good little trip ahead of us. Unfortunately, most of it was in the dark. Seems like every time I go somewhere new, it’s in the dark. Hah!!!!
It was getting late…. too late to eat at the house. So, we stopped for a bite to eat before going on home. This had to be one of the neatest restaurants that I had ever seen. It was open-air and incorporated into a garden. Truly, it was gorgeous. I want one!!!! Dam paid for the meal. I know it was expensive, for there were four of us, and we ate quite a good bit. Again, Thai grace and generosity really knows no bounds, it seems.
I was a little nervous meeting Dam, but it turns out that there was no real reason to be. She’s easy going like my Dang. She likes to joke and laugh too. It was nice to watch Dang interact with her. The relationship between sisters is special, and Dang and Dam’s is no exception.
After dinner, it was just a few km. home, in the dark. 
I don’t have any idea which way is up or down at this point. Mae’s (Dang’s mom) house is in a rural part of Thailand; so, there is little to light the area. It’s dark the way it can only be in the hinterland.
“See all the banana trees?”
“Ummmmm……sure??????”
“Rubber, lots and lots of rubber trees.”
“Ummmmm…. o.k?????”
“There’s my grandmother’s house.”
“Wow!!!!! It’s lovely…..?????…..”
Yes, folks, it was dark. I’m near-sighted. You do the math. What would await me when I awoke in the morning? Only time would tell.
When we arrived at Dang’s home, we were greeted with warm wais and smiles. I was immediately welcomed. We sat and talked for what felt like hours. Yes, there were lots and lots of questions, but they came from a good place…. a warm place in the heart…. and they were much welcomed. I was flattered that they wanted to know about me.
Mae is all smiles. She and I don’t speak one an other’s language, but her warmth transcended that. She let me know…. “You’re welcome here. If you are good to Dang, we will be good to you. Don’t worry child.” I already love this woman like a mother.
One of Dang’s brothers was there too. He’s one of the most quite individuals that I’ve ever met. Truly, I’ve never met anyone that quiet. Don’t mistake my amazement with condemnation. He’s a good kind of quite. He bothers no one, and had a warm smile and a kind wai for me. I don’t know how he did it, but in his own, quiet way, he put me at ease, too.
Speaking of questions and curiosity, let me tell you about Pa Jai. She is family of Dang’s and a neighbor. We weren’t there long before she stopped in for a visit. I was a little unnerved at the beginning, for she was over to Dang’s family’s home so fast, but it didn’t take me long to figure out that I liked this woman- very congenial and light-hearted.
After about the coldest bath that I’ve ever had in my life, it was time for bed, and I was ready. Dam let me have her room, and I slept like a baby. There was a nice breeze, the crickets chirped all night, and peace settled upon the house for the night.
Hmmmm….. not a bad way to start the visit I had dreaded for so long.
The next morning, I awoke to fresh air and happy voices of people getting their morning walks. Ah, very pleasant. Dang and I went for a walk/run, I took another cold bath, woke up suddenly (Hah!!!!), and then we went to the market.
Dang drove us there on the motorcycle. Yes, I was escorted by Dang the whole time we were there. Hey, I don’t know how to drive one of these things. All I can drive are automobiles, heave equipment, and farm machinery. Anyway, I got to see what we passes the night before that was hidden in the dark. Beautiful. Simply, beautiful.
At the market, I discovered “delicious.” One of Dang’s relatives gave me a gift…. a type of candy made from cashews. I didn’t know what to call or…. or maybe I couldn’t say it…. so Dang calls it ”
delicious” for me. “Dee, do you want some ‘delicious?’” Hehe.
When we got back home, there were more neighbors to meet. We did this throughout the day…. Several Q + A sessions. We didn’t hurry all day. Our time was leisurely, the conversation was friendly, and I was a happy boy. I don’t know how, but these people put me at ease.
I think this is funny and worth mentioning: Pa Jai, the woman I told you about that I met the night before, asked, “If you stay South and Dang goes back to Bangkok, will you be o.k. here?”
I told her, “Sure, if you will take care of me.”
“O.k. I will take care of you.”
“And will you cut my fish for me, too?” I can’t cut fish with bones in it…. not something I’m use to doing, especially with a spoon and a fork. Yes, yes, I’m like trying to care for a 5 year old.
Dang and I made a trip by motorcycle to see her other sister. She had just had a new baby girl, Bam, and let me tell you…. she is a BEAUTY…. my niece very soon!!!! Dang and I instantly fell for her, and she fell for Dang. As soon as Mama picked her up, she pooped on her. It was the loudest and wettest poop I’ve ever heard. She is really going to love Dang, but I could have told you that without all the pooping.
After Dang changed shorts….yes, there was that much poop…. we went swimming with her nephew and her friends. It was fun, and gave me a chance to get to know the kids better. Some of my favorite pictures came from this little excursion. They loved Dang too. She is so very good with kids.
When we got back, Dam cooked for us- great cook. Dang and I enjoyed a quite meal together on the floor of the kitchen. I was so happy at this point that I was ready to melt. Yes, the food was good, but being there with Mama is what made me happy.
After a nap, it was more questions, play time with kids, and then dinner. Dinner was special for me. Dang told her family and friends how we ate in Tennessee (we all wait and eat together), and, although it’s not their custom to do so, everyone waited and ate with Dang and I. I knew what they were doing (that they were doing this for me), and it touched my heart. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much. I enjoyed the experience. Anytime one gets to share a meal with such great company, he should recognize the honor he has been given, and I was, indeed, honored.
After dinner, we discussed “sin sot,” and, yes, it is expensive….but, let me say this: it’s fair. As I sat and worked through some numbers, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. Although, I knew I could move cash from one account to another, there was a lot to think about…. “sin sot,” wedding, Dang and I’s new home, furniture, etc. And, for the first time, I felt what it was like to worry about a family, not just myself. I don’t begrudge that worry. As a matter-of-fact, I embrace it. It makes me happy to have that in my life. This kind of worry lets me know that I have someone in my life important enough to worry about. I like it.
I had excused myself for a minuet to regain my composure. I’m not going to tell you how much for “sin sot,” but it was enough for me to need some fresh air. When I returned, Mae’s face was fixed with worry and concern herself. She was worried that she asked too much. She was concerned that the burden was too great, and she wanted to reassure me that the money would be returned, minus wedding expenses.
I never wanted the money back. Dang’s family has done so very much for her, they deserve “sin sot.” Not only that, when I marry Dang, I am taking her family as my own, as well. I want Mama and the famly to be taken care of. What’s mine is Dang’s, and what’s ours is theirs’. I give “sin sot” freely, but I appreciate the concern Mae had. She deserves much respect.
I was told while I was with Dang’s family, “Don’t consider yourself an ‘outsider,’ you are family now.” When I think of going South, this is what I think of. They embraced me, took care of me, and have made me feel welcomed. I hope I can do the same for them.
The trip back was good. It was hard returning to Bangkok. I would have like more time with Dang and her family. I would love to spend more time South.
In closing, I want to say thank you to Mama….
Mama, thank you for taking me to see your family. I know how important that was. You took a risk for me, and I realize that. I want to say that meeting your family was one of the best things I’ve ever done. The trip was good for us, and I’m happy that we travel so well together. Again, thank you, my Love. I wouldn’t trade our time South with your family for anything.
Mama, Papa loves you and your family!!!!!
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
To my family and friends,
Yes, Thailand is my home…. Dang is my home, but I haven’t forgot where I came from. I haven’t left you my family and friends. I am still here, loving you and thinking about you.
Although, there is a great ocean in between us, and most of North America, I’m still your friend and family. I still care about you, and you will always have me on your side.
Yes, I am on your side still. I will lend a hand and an ear whenever I can. An ally is an ally no matter where they are. We need each other in this life. Don’t forget that I am here. Don’t forget that I am your ally.
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Friday, January 25th, 2008
Yes, the time has finally arrived; we are headed south to meet the family, and to let the family meet me.
This is quite the big deal for everyone concerned, and I am especially nervous. I don’t want to embarass Mama, myself, or her family. I truly hope that I can do this.
Don’t get me wrong…. I am so very excited. I want to meet the people that raised such a wonderful girl, and I’d love to see where my Love grew up. This place, along with the people that live there are special and important to her, and I want them to be special to me, as well.
There’s just a few minuets left before we leave for the airport, and I am ready to go. I guess that is a good sign. I’m looking forward to this more than I’m anxious about it.
O.k…… here we go.
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Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Dearest Noo-Dang,
I write this celebrating this special day, our 3rd anniversary. It was 3 years ago today that my life changed course forever. Since that day, nothing has been the same.
I couldn’t have known three years ago what was to become of our relationship…. but I could hope, and it was early on that I hoped we would find one another in each other’s arms. It was early on that I prayed our paths would cross and remain entwined until the setting of the sun of our lives. It was early on that my heart heard yours. I believe that I knew you before we ever met.
Yes, I believe in destiny. If it wasn’t for destiny, we wouldn’t have found each other from such far away places. Because some unknown force intended you for me and me for you, nothing could keep us from one another. And, when I started listening (truly listening) to my heart, I could find you anywhere in this big, lonely world.
We dreamed the sweetest dream for so long, and that dream has come true. Although, that dream has come true, there are still plenty of dreams left for us. Those dreams will be bright, beautiful, and without end.
What it all comes down to is this: I loved you before the first day that we met. I love you still. And, I will love you without end. My love for you knows no bounds. Time cannot age it; life cannot dampen it; and the spinning of the earth cannot sway it.
Mama, not only do I love you…. I am IN love with you. My heart beats for you without ceasing. Every beat is for Dang, and between every beat is the longing for you.
Dee and Dang…. Forever!!!
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
No, I don’t speak another foreign language…. a little very bad German. Certainly, not enough to claim that I speak the language. Becauase I don’t speak any other languages, those that I’m around have to adjust to me….. sad, but true.
I want to say this to those kind Thais who want to talk to me but can’t because they don’t speak English: you don’t have to speak English to talk to me. There are more ways to communticate than spoken words. Language knows many forms.
When you smile and laugh, you are saying, “Welcome friend.” When you accept my akward wai as properly performed, you are saying, “Thank you for trying, and I respect you in return.” When you “don’t notice” the difficult time I’m having with my fork and spoon, you are telling me, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” All of these things combined say much more.
They say to me that you are a good and kind person. You are the kind of person that I want to know. And, you are the kind of person that I could call, friend.
Words can go only so far. Kindness goes farther.
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
My blog has become something that I would have never expected, a story of love.
The other day, I asked my mom, “What do you think of my blog? Have you read it today?”
She replied, “Yes, I have read your blog today. Very sweet. It’s like reading a love story.”
I had never thought of it that way, but now that I do, I can say, yes, it is a love story. Who would have thought that my humble, little blog would be destined for such a beautiful purpose in life? Not I, that’s for sure. I’m tickeled, none-the-less.
My blogging is a result of the influence of Mama. Without her, it would be dull, dry, and probably left unwritten. I can’t write without inspiration.
Mama is my muse. Without even trying, she inspires me. My heart is over-flowing, and what I feel inside has to find a way to express itself.
What is about your love Mama that moves me so? What are you doing to me to make me behave in such a way? Are you trying, or is it just you being your wonderful self?
Mama, I hope that this story never ends. Every day, we will write a new verse…. every week a new chapter, every month a new book, and every year a new volume. This poor little blog is just the beginning, and it pales compared to the work that is to come.
Mama, don’t stop inspiring me. I like that man that you move me to be. He’s someone that I could get use to being around. He is full of joy, hope, and love.
You fill my life with wonder. Thank you.
Mama, Papa loves you!!!!
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
I am sitting in Dang’s office. She’s having to work overtime- such a hard-working girl. This is my first time seeing PWA (Provencial Water Authority)….. rather exciting to see where Mama works. I hope she is as proud as I am.
Yesterday, Dang and I went to see the condo she was planning to buy.
When we first became engaged, there was the question of what was to be our first home together. Should we buy a new house, keep the condo and live there, keep the condo and buy a new house, or some other unforseen option? Really, quite a lot to think about.
I’m finding that there is much, much, much to consider. It seems that we are able to stay busy just living. Before you think otherwise, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The simple with Dang is the profound for me.
Well, we went with a couple of friends to tour the condo. Mama wasn’t sure if I would like it or not…. a bit worried, I think. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but for some reason, I had a very good feeling about what I was about to see; it was like I was going home.
When we arrived, I was dumb-founded…. this is quite the development. Really, there is a lot going on at this site. It’s hard to believe it, but Mama’s and Papa’s first home will be completed shortly.
O.k, now for what I found upon touring the condo. Impressions were good upon entering the model…. larger than expected, clean, and well-built. There is a living room, dinning area, and one bedroom (we are going to set up the kitchen outside on the balcony). This may seem strange to us Americans, but it works in Thailand…. it saves one from heating up his whole house (not a good thing in Siam). Anyway, I love the idea of living somewhere I can cook outside (the kitchen is Papa’s); I can combine two of my favorite things (the outside and cooking).
If you can’t tell, Papa was quite the excited boy, and I think it showed. Mama went from being a little apprehensive to excited, as well, and at the same time, we started to see not a condo, but a home for Mama and Papa.
I think that we are quite lucky. For one reason, Mama had the good sense and initiative to buy a condo on her own. Because of that, we had one reserved…. no waiting. Second, to be a young couple, we are starting off on a sound foundation. Before I finish my work in South Korea, our home will paid for completely and fully-furnished. Not bad, if you ask me.
Now, we have even more to dream about and plan for. We are already looking at furniture. It ranges for the cheap and shotty to the expensive. I think we can afford something in between…. well-build but not too, too fancy. This is o.k. for Papa, and I know Mama is happy with that, as well. Mama’s heart is in the right place… she is easy on Papa.
So, there we have it. Mama and Papa already have their first home lined up and almost paid for.
Mama, Papa is proud of our new home. It is going to be a place where friends are welcome and love grows. Mama and Papa will be very happy there…. I just know it.
Mama, Papa loves you!!!!!!
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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
I’m not Thai; I’m am American of Irish and Cherokee descent from Tennessee, and I’m very proud of that…. that is who I am.
I speak with an accent straight from the hills of Tennessee, and I think with an accent too. The man that I am is a result of not only my mother, grandparents, and sister, but of my culture, as well. “Rocky Top” is the best song ever; beans and cornbread cannot be beat; the Vols are the greatest team to ever play the game of college football; and I get the need to wear overalls and boots that can’t be denied.
I know what you’re thinking…. this is a homage to Tennessee, a declaration of the superiority of my culture over others’….. well, my friend, you are wrong. First of all, no culture can claim superiority. Second, there are things in life so much more important than culture.
The woman that I’m going to marry is Thai. She hails from a culture older than mine, and, as I see it, like so many others in the world, one that has to fight to survive in an encroaching world. Her culture is one of beauty and of grace, and I stand in awe of it daily.
There is much to be said about two coming together from different places in the world…. we make an interesting couple, there is always a feeling of excitement, and our children will be exceptionally flexible, understanding, and open-minded- very well adjusted they will be.
But, before we get to the point to where there are very-well adjusted and loving children, mama and papa have many battles to fight- not so much with each other, but with the hurdles of the situation. Culture matters, and striking the right balance is certainly “learn as you go.”
What parts of each other’s cultures do we embrace? What’s parts can be subdued? Who does what? Should an American be expected to behave as a Thai? Should a Thai be expected to behave as an American? And, what if the two can’t find common ground?
The said truth of the matter is that many Thai-American relationships don’t work. Many can’t hang in there to “iron out” their differences. Culture has killed many a couple. The stress of adjusting, the time needed to make changes have often proved too great for countless others.
This is a reality: the odds may be against us. Because of this, mama’s family is suspicious of me…. maybe not so much of me but of the “American.” So many Americans just up and leave. And, after one very long night for papa, I have come to understand something very important: they have reason to be suspicious of me and worried about their baby girl. I wish that it weren’t so, but it is, and I don’t blame them in the least bit.
“So, what is a mixed couple to do?”
Oh, I’m glad that you asked that, for I’ve been thinking about that too, and my answer is this: change. The influence of culture is profoundly strong. Culture effects everything the couple does, and it can’t be ignored. Two cultural views and ways of acting upon the same situation is simply not realistic in the same home, and saying, “We can keep our cultures without any changes,” is surely a recipe for destruction.
Mama asked me last night, “Papa, why do you have to act Thai and I don’t have to act American?” Whew!!!!! That was quite the question- not easy to answer, and I couldn’t right off of the bat. I needed to think about it, and it added to my load.
Yes, there has been a considerable load to bear. A lot is being asked of mama and papa (and I say mama and papa because papa isn’t alone in this). But, there is no excuse for not finishing strong…. not reason to say, “It’s too hard,” because where there is love, there is strength and resilience.
Now to that answer…. You have to adjust your way of thinking. You have to be flexible and willing to change. Each situation, each relationship requires a different approach.
What we have to remember is that we behave around others the way they expect, WE adjust to their cultures, not them to ours. If papa’s family expects no adjustment on mama’s part, then she doesn’t adjust. If mama’s family expects adjustment on papa’s part, then he adjusts. If mama and papa are in public in Thailand, then THEY act according to where they are. When mama and papa are together alone, they find their own personal culture. They can find the right mix for them.
What has to be our guiding principle is: find what brings peace to our relationships. When you think about it, mama, it’s not that hard to figure out. Can’t say why it’s such a revelation to me.
Just think of our children…. When the see granny and pa Clark, they will hug and kiss. They well say, “I love you granny and pa.” When they are with your mom, they will wai politely, listen intently, and show love for her with much respect and dignity. But, in both cases, there will be love…. just different approaches…. and our kids will be better for it, as papa will be too.
What has to be remembered is that there will be stress, and there will be times when the other is tired or feels bad. That doesn’t mean that they are unhappy. You can be tired, feel bad, and be happy all at the same time. Real happiness doesn’t disappear when life rears its ugly head. Even in sadness and tired eyes, there can be happiness, peace, joy, and (most importantly) love.
Mama, don’t forget….
Papa loves you, and will do what brings peace to our house…. and to our families’ houses.
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