Love story : Dee and Dang

Sometimes Life Drives Dreams…. Not the Other Way Around.

As Dang and I talk about the future and all the opportunities that have presented themselves, there is a cold hard truth that has reared it’s ugly head: you can’t have it all. No matter how much you may want it, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I think for the first time, I actually understand what that means, really.

Before I moved to Asia, I had intended to attend graduate school at Harvard or Boston University. I am intensely interested in all things gastronomic and had it in mind to pursue a career in teaching upon and writing about such things. Those were my dreams, and I had taken steps to bring some of that into being. My dreams were driving my life. I was quite certain of my direction. Ah, but then I fell in love.

We all want to fall in love, I think, but, really, who plans on it? It just happens. And, because it is just one of those things that happens, there is no way to know how it is going to effect life’s equation. There are lessons to be learned that one never thought they would be learning. One of those lessons is this: Dreams don’t always drive your life. Sometimes, life drives your dreams.

When my heart pulled me to Dang, it became clear that some major changes were going to have to be made in my life. Somewhere, something was going to have to be given up in order for me to be with my Love. Oh, and you will give up anything to be with the one you have been waiting your whole life for. For me, that was easy. Dreams take on a whole new meaning.

Almost over night, my life shifted focus. Rather than living to see my dreams come to life, making adjustments for them to make my life fit, they have to change to fit my life. Turns out that there is something bigger than dreams- Love.

Now, don’t think that I’m saying that one stops dreaming. That’s not true. The dynamic of life and dreams just changes. I still have dreams…. some old ones…. some new ones. But these dreams have to fit my life. They cannot hinder my relationship with Dang; they cannot cause Dang any grief; and they should benefit Dang and I in life. If my dreams to not meet this measure, they are rejected and disregarded.

So, Harvard: rejected. Writing as a full-time career: disregarded. My own website: delayed for deliberation.

Now, it is time for new dreams that fit into Dang and I’s lives. Teaching is going to be central to my career. It works for me in Asia. I make a great living and know that I can work indefinitely. As a matter-of-fact, it’s all I can do in Thailand. There will be a school opened in about 5 years to teach English (the school is going to be really cool). I’m excited about these things.

Dang is having to deal with the same issues I have already addressed. Some dreams she has to disregard for new ones. It’s hard, but it can also be a rewarding process.

The secret is: make the dreams that are possible personal. Adopt them, let them deep into you heart, and own them. I never wanted to teach English in a foreign land, but it works for me. Now, I own that dream, and I’m going to do the best I can with it.

So, when you find that your dreams aren’t working for you, go after those that do.

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We’re Building Something Beautiful.

Being so very far a part from the one that you love can be a trying situation. Dang and I have spent so much time a part in our relationship. Some times, the pain of our separation boils up to the surface and cannot be hidden.

What do we do when the pain becomes too clear and is felt too strongly? Well, we endure. That’s really all you can do. No matter what you do to cope (I’ll talk about that shortly), there is still pain to be endured.

What Dang and I have to do, or should remind ourselves to do, is focus on the life we are building together. It is really going to be something special, I think. We are talking and planning, and I’m excited.

When the pain of being away from Dang becomes too great, I think of these things: we are going to be married soon; we are thinking about where to live, what we will do about work, investments, how travel will play a role in our lives, etc; we are planning for and dreaming of our children; and we are thinking about what direction we want our lives to take in five years or so.

Many things are still unanswered (they may remain so until we get closer to the dates we are considering), but here is what’s important: we are moving toward something truly exciting. In the time spaced between the big, and exciting, moments, we have happiness and joy to look forward to. So, even though it hurts to be a part from the one you desire to be with, you can endure through dreams, and working to make those dreams come true.

Yes, we are building something beautiful, my Love. Think of that when it hurts to be a part from me. It helps me make it through the pain of missing you.

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