Love story : Dee and Dang

Trying to Decide Where to Go from Here…

Trying to decide where to go from here is proving to be quite difficult. There are many options, too many really. I have spent much time and effort, and I still feel somewhat lost with my direction from Korea.

The first and biggest concern that I have now is continuity. I’ve changed careers often, ad I can’t continue doing this. There is no way to climb any ladder if I keep changing from one field to another. I must find that continuity that I’m looking for, or at least be able to do something that I can sell as continuity.

I need more information. There are many questions to be answered. How do I can combine my management experience, a BUS in Free Enterprise/ Human Behavior, TEFL experience, and a Harvard Master’s?

(Yes, I can’t stop dreaming of Harvard. I’m quite likely to go for it.)

I’m thinking… Business Communications. It builds upon my management experience and my bachelor’s. Plus, if I am smart, I can parlay that into a career teaching English for specific purposes (business) abroad (Korea perhaps) and utilize my experience teaching English as a Second Language.

I have to make my mind up soon. I can take some of my classes here online; registrations begins Dec. 09, and I don’t want to be late registering. I need to start working on the degree ASAP.

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Bad Karma

Bad karma… it’s an issue at school as it is anywhere else, and I surely feel it’s effects.

This morning, Aimee came skipping into the classroom, ran into me, and spilled hot coffee (a little on me, most on my notes). She looks at me like, “Oh well, YOU spilled your coffee.” There were no apologies, no surprise, nothing. I was instantly angered and ran everyone out of the classroom.

It seems, on the surface, that I was fully justified. But, was I really? Is anger ever justified, or is it just more bad karma?

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What Does She Need from Me?

I’m a married man, now; it’s not just me, anymore.  I’ve grown accustomed to it being only me, myself, and I, and to my roommates always agreeing with me. Because of that I’ve learned to be selfish.

Dang and I come from very different places, but when we disagree, it is because of, simply, being different people. A lot of it has to do with me. I know that I can be very difficult, at times… very selfish.

When I think about what Dang needs, what comes to mind is simply love, and love is:

Selfless. One does not go into life with a complete and utter disregard for one’s self, but he thinks of others first. “What are their needs? What’s their point-of-view?” he asks.

Quiet. Sure, love can be shouted from the rooftops, and it should be sometimes, but more often than not, it’s quiet. Love does for others without them even knowing about it; it has no regard for recognition.

Enduring. Love can make life blissful, but not a s blissful as one imagines. In the moments when love isn’t enough for bliss, it can be enough to help us endure, Patience can help us do that, but love helps us to endure gracefully, peacefully.

Fearless. Love makes you believe, “Yes, we can do this.” Let’s face it, life is hard. A marriage is an agreement between tow people to face the world hand-in-hand. With all that the two have against them a coming, love must surely be fearless- not afraid, never expecting failure.

Fulfillment. We can never forget that love is fulling. Let love fill you. Don’t focus so much on the “hard knocks” aspects of love that you forget to enjoy it because it is exciting, joyful, fun, and, yes, fulfilling.

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Something Inside Me Is Broken.

Something inside of me has broken, it seems; I’m not sure that I can fully explain, but it has to do with feeling… spent. I feel used up, like I have no more emotional reserves.

I think that I have gotten to the point to where I have given the children up to reprobate minds. Enough is enough. I can no longer hold out any ope of mutually harmonious relationships. It may be that I haven’t given up on the children, as much as it is that I have given up on “mutually-harmonious relationships.”

I need to save something of myself for those that really do love and respect me. I’ve invested so much in the children of Jung Chul, with little to no return, that I’m near emotional bankruptcy. I truly do believe that this is, indeed, the situation.

Today, I put space (emotional and physical) between myself and the children, and I’m feeling as if there might actually be some positive feelings in the vault. No more will I squander my emotional energy.

Speaking of emotional energy, and the squandering of it, I’ll not waste emotional chi on adults that are vampyric, either. Emotional black holes, I am learning, are to be avoided at all costs.

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When in Rome…

There is the old saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Seems simple enough, but I’m questioning that these days. Culture runs deep, and tennessee (the soil, the air, the water, and the particular angle of the sun) reared me, and when I came to Korea, so did Tennessee, in a way; Tennessee is that much a part of me.

When you leave your home, you take it with you, at least in part. I think that is much of what it means to be an expat. You’re not just a person living in a foreign country; you are a foreign element in that country. There is no complete assimilation.

This brings me to what it is to be a foreign teacher in Korea. Much of my time, I have tried to assimilate; for some reason, I thought it important to relate to my students from their point-of-view. Should I try to teach as the Koreans, or is that a futile thing to be attempting, in-the-first-place?

In my classes, my studnets only have to deal with me for a meximum of 55 minuets, but I have to t deal with Korea 24/7. Thus, the greater amount of energy adjusting is bieng spent by me. I’m having to give a great deal of myslef; so much that, often, I feel nearly spent.

The “spent” feeling is pouring into my well-being, and that is affecting my attitude. I find that if I have to fight in class, I’m in a fighting mood at home, as well. How I hate this reality; it is, indeed, my reality, none-the-less.

My wife deserves a husband that isn’t always moody. So, I have to look at all possible sources of moodiness. Being a good, kind husband is more important than anything else. Because of that, other things fall on the chopping block first. For example:

If school is driving crazy, I must focus on molding my classes to suit me, rather than the other way around. As bad as it may sound, it is more important to be of sound mind than it is to be a good teacher. So, if it takes quiet classes to tnot be moody, then quiet classses is what we shall have.

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First Snow Today.

As I was teaching my last kindergarten class of the day, the children pointed out to me, with great excitement, that it was snowing. Ah, the first snow!

Even in Korea, the first snow brings a smile to the children’s faces. I remember that feeling very well, for it is one of the few childhood emotions that visit me still as an adult. Every first sight of new snow transforms me into an eight year old again- if only but for a moment.

It’s difficult to describe that feeling, but if I had to, I would say if feels like the air filling your lungs when it first starts snowing- crisp, clean, and exhilarating. When I see those first few flakes, every fiber in my body twinges at the chill. I love that feeling.

How is it that something so the archetype of death make one feel so alive?

I can’t wait to find out how Dang feels about her first snow ever!

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One Month of Bliss.

On November the 11th, we celebrated one month of bliss, a month of Dang being with me in Korea.

Over the past month, I wouldn’t say that time has stood still, for life has kept on moving at a furious pase; Dang and I have found ourselves busy with work and life. We  aren’t living in some magical land, but life is, indeed, enchanted.

Yes, this past month has left me enchanted. The presence of the one I have waited so long for has brought bliss into the daily routine. When I wake, she is there, and I’m at peace. Simply seeing her lying there, a sleeping beauty, my love increases- not just for her, but for the world as a whole. While at work, I maintain a smile, and toward the end of my week, in very tired days, that smile is as strong as the first day. At the end of those long days, I get to go home with my wife. (She is working with me too, but that is an entirely different blog entry.) We walk home together and talk about our days, and her warm hand in mine draws me to a world parallel to this one. We may use the same streets as everyone else, but the world we are walking in is entirely ours alone. We spend the rest of the night talking and going about the business of life, but I am blessed to get to do those things with her, my angel. When I lay down at night, I am in a state of bliss.

This has been the best month of my life. Yes, the month I got to spend with my love in Thailand before Korea was good, but there are no “goodbyes” that follow this one.

As I review what I have just written, I feel a bit disappointed, for I don’t feel that I captured the true poetry inspired by Dang. I haven’t communicated to you what bliss really is, and for that, I do apologize.

Mama, thank you for coming home to me. I hope that you haven’t now regretted, or ever do, your choice.

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Kim’s Club Food Court

Last week we were both quite tired from school (Dee taught all day and I had to go to school with him). So, in the  evening, we decided that we would not cook and would just find some thing easy to eat.

We have a department store near our apartment and we use to see good- looking food that we should try.

Hmmm……..Look good!

Hah! Look Handsome!!!

Smells very good!

Yummy!!

Dee doesn’t like it, but I do! It’s my favorite.

Kimji and cucumber pickle; I like it!!!

Look good? Do you want to try?

Cucumber soup.

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Sightseeing in Gwangmyeong

Saturday evening, we walked to the river. The sky still bright, the weather is quite cold and some wind.

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