Love story : Dee and Dang

Time to Lay Old Dreams to Rest.

Today, I was doing one of my favorite things- brainstorming. It was the usual- an idea for a website, or thinking about a degree, a new business, or something like that. As I was dreaming, it hit me, “This is the wrong direction to be focused.”

There is a place for dreaming (there should be a place for that in everyone’s life), but there is a time when the “dreaming” has to stop. When I say, “dreaming,” I mean thinking of a better life. When I say “dreaming,” I mean thinking of the ideal life where the sky is the limit- you know, the kind you do when you are planning for life after high school.

That idealized form of dreaming sustained me for the longest time. It pushed me to achieve much of what I’ve done and made me believe in the future. But, although I don’t want to give up on that hopefullness, there comes and time to check that dreaming with reality and logic.

I’m a married man now who hopes to be a father in a few years; I’m not the independent young man who had no one to worry or care about other than himself. I have to do what’s best for my family. I must provide for their immedidate needs and future dreams. There is no arguement that I can make for that- it’s just something that I feel.

When I was “dreaming” today, planning the building of an empire, I realized that what I was doing was irresponsible. “you have to fully embrace your role as husband,” I told myself, and it’s true.

My first priority is to my family. I have to guide and work toward their betterment first- not mine. So, when thinking of where to go from here, I must check the “dreaming” with logic, strategy, and realistic expectations. It is time to lay old “dreams” to rest.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day | No Comments »

Keeping a Journal…

Keeping a journal is truly one of my favorite pleasures in life. It gives me the chance to explore my own thoughts and feelings.

Who was it that said, “You don’t know what you think until you right it down?”  Is that how the quote goes? I can’t even begin to guess, but I should look into it.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day | No Comments »

Trying to Decide Where to Go from Here…

Trying to decide where to go from here is proving to be quite difficult. There are many options, too many really. I have spent much time and effort, and I still feel somewhat lost with my direction from Korea.

The first and biggest concern that I have now is continuity. I’ve changed careers often, ad I can’t continue doing this. There is no way to climb any ladder if I keep changing from one field to another. I must find that continuity that I’m looking for, or at least be able to do something that I can sell as continuity.

I need more information. There are many questions to be answered. How do I can combine my management experience, a BUS in Free Enterprise/ Human Behavior, TEFL experience, and a Harvard Master’s?

(Yes, I can’t stop dreaming of Harvard. I’m quite likely to go for it.)

I’m thinking… Business Communications. It builds upon my management experience and my bachelor’s. Plus, if I am smart, I can parlay that into a career teaching English for specific purposes (business) abroad (Korea perhaps) and utilize my experience teaching English as a Second Language.

I have to make my mind up soon. I can take some of my classes here online; registrations begins Dec. 09, and I don’t want to be late registering. I need to start working on the degree ASAP.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day, Esl English | No Comments »

Bad Karma

Bad karma… it’s an issue at school as it is anywhere else, and I surely feel it’s effects.

This morning, Aimee came skipping into the classroom, ran into me, and spilled hot coffee (a little on me, most on my notes). She looks at me like, “Oh well, YOU spilled your coffee.” There were no apologies, no surprise, nothing. I was instantly angered and ran everyone out of the classroom.

It seems, on the surface, that I was fully justified. But, was I really? Is anger ever justified, or is it just more bad karma?

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day, Esl English | No Comments »

Something Inside Me Is Broken.

Something inside of me has broken, it seems; I’m not sure that I can fully explain, but it has to do with feeling… spent. I feel used up, like I have no more emotional reserves.

I think that I have gotten to the point to where I have given the children up to reprobate minds. Enough is enough. I can no longer hold out any ope of mutually harmonious relationships. It may be that I haven’t given up on the children, as much as it is that I have given up on “mutually-harmonious relationships.”

I need to save something of myself for those that really do love and respect me. I’ve invested so much in the children of Jung Chul, with little to no return, that I’m near emotional bankruptcy. I truly do believe that this is, indeed, the situation.

Today, I put space (emotional and physical) between myself and the children, and I’m feeling as if there might actually be some positive feelings in the vault. No more will I squander my emotional energy.

Speaking of emotional energy, and the squandering of it, I’ll not waste emotional chi on adults that are vampyric, either. Emotional black holes, I am learning, are to be avoided at all costs.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day, Esl English | No Comments »

When in Rome…

There is the old saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Seems simple enough, but I’m questioning that these days. Culture runs deep, and tennessee (the soil, the air, the water, and the particular angle of the sun) reared me, and when I came to Korea, so did Tennessee, in a way; Tennessee is that much a part of me.

When you leave your home, you take it with you, at least in part. I think that is much of what it means to be an expat. You’re not just a person living in a foreign country; you are a foreign element in that country. There is no complete assimilation.

This brings me to what it is to be a foreign teacher in Korea. Much of my time, I have tried to assimilate; for some reason, I thought it important to relate to my students from their point-of-view. Should I try to teach as the Koreans, or is that a futile thing to be attempting, in-the-first-place?

In my classes, my studnets only have to deal with me for a meximum of 55 minuets, but I have to t deal with Korea 24/7. Thus, the greater amount of energy adjusting is bieng spent by me. I’m having to give a great deal of myslef; so much that, often, I feel nearly spent.

The “spent” feeling is pouring into my well-being, and that is affecting my attitude. I find that if I have to fight in class, I’m in a fighting mood at home, as well. How I hate this reality; it is, indeed, my reality, none-the-less.

My wife deserves a husband that isn’t always moody. So, I have to look at all possible sources of moodiness. Being a good, kind husband is more important than anything else. Because of that, other things fall on the chopping block first. For example:

If school is driving crazy, I must focus on molding my classes to suit me, rather than the other way around. As bad as it may sound, it is more important to be of sound mind than it is to be a good teacher. So, if it takes quiet classes to tnot be moody, then quiet classses is what we shall have.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day, Esl English | No Comments »

First Snow Today.

As I was teaching my last kindergarten class of the day, the children pointed out to me, with great excitement, that it was snowing. Ah, the first snow!

Even in Korea, the first snow brings a smile to the children’s faces. I remember that feeling very well, for it is one of the few childhood emotions that visit me still as an adult. Every first sight of new snow transforms me into an eight year old again- if only but for a moment.

It’s difficult to describe that feeling, but if I had to, I would say if feels like the air filling your lungs when it first starts snowing- crisp, clean, and exhilarating. When I see those first few flakes, every fiber in my body twinges at the chill. I love that feeling.

How is it that something so the archetype of death make one feel so alive?

I can’t wait to find out how Dang feels about her first snow ever!

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day | No Comments »

One Month of Bliss.

On November the 11th, we celebrated one month of bliss, a month of Dang being with me in Korea.

Over the past month, I wouldn’t say that time has stood still, for life has kept on moving at a furious pase; Dang and I have found ourselves busy with work and life. We  aren’t living in some magical land, but life is, indeed, enchanted.

Yes, this past month has left me enchanted. The presence of the one I have waited so long for has brought bliss into the daily routine. When I wake, she is there, and I’m at peace. Simply seeing her lying there, a sleeping beauty, my love increases- not just for her, but for the world as a whole. While at work, I maintain a smile, and toward the end of my week, in very tired days, that smile is as strong as the first day. At the end of those long days, I get to go home with my wife. (She is working with me too, but that is an entirely different blog entry.) We walk home together and talk about our days, and her warm hand in mine draws me to a world parallel to this one. We may use the same streets as everyone else, but the world we are walking in is entirely ours alone. We spend the rest of the night talking and going about the business of life, but I am blessed to get to do those things with her, my angel. When I lay down at night, I am in a state of bliss.

This has been the best month of my life. Yes, the month I got to spend with my love in Thailand before Korea was good, but there are no “goodbyes” that follow this one.

As I review what I have just written, I feel a bit disappointed, for I don’t feel that I captured the true poetry inspired by Dang. I haven’t communicated to you what bliss really is, and for that, I do apologize.

Mama, thank you for coming home to me. I hope that you haven’t now regretted, or ever do, your choice.

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day, Love Story | 2 Comments »

My Wife Is a Natural Teacher.

Today is Dang’s first day of teaching; she has one reading class today. Last night, she worked so very hard. She planned, and practiced, practiced, practiced. I would be her students, and she would take notes from my reactions.

She’s doing a story about the Boston Tea Party, and, let me tell you, it’s really good. Was it good from the beginning? Yes, but there was room for improvement, and improve is exactly what she did.

We woke up early this morning, and she wanted to read first thing. Now, that’s dedication. She read, without any coaching from me, and “nailed” it. Really. She’s got it, but she’s nervous.

Last night, she was excited. This morning, she’s afraid. That’s natural.

Mama, it’s o.k. to be afraid, but find that excitement again. You are going to do something that you can feel very good about. You are going to be doing something that I already see a natural ability in you for. You are going to do something that you have a future in.

I truly believe that my wife’s a natural. I have to work on teaching, for I have a classic case of impatience with children, but not my wife. She’s understanding, caring, and long-enduring….

She has a talent for teaching. Like I said, she’s a natural.

Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Dee: Day-to-Day | No Comments »