Love story : Dee and Dang

Men have this inner desire to be strong in all things. I don’t know where it comes from, but it is there. Even the weakest amongst us feels the need to stand tall, unshakable, and grounded. I’m sure that this desire stems from profoundly spiritual and evolutionary roots. And, although it’s an archetypal need, it does cause some problems, I’ve learned, and it can get in the way of being an enlightened man if not kept in check.

Following is a confession of my stupidity (I’m writing to Dang):

Although I am, I didn’t want to appear desperate and needy in your eyes. I desired to maintain the carefully-crafted facade of strength- in all things. I don’t know why, but I wanted you to see me as a rock, an enabler.

What I have learned, as my heart continues to be more exposed, is that it’s o.k for me to be needy…. as long as it’s you that I’m needy for…. and I am.

You saw me utterly exposed the other night. I let my guard down, and you saw the profound sadness being a part from you causes me. You saw the dark, deep, black hole in my heart living a part from you created and feeds.

I was trying to hide that from you. I thought that for you to see me that way would make me appear weak in your eyes… to me, that translated to not worthy as a man for you. My weakness and deep need (as deep as a child needs his mother) was me faltering as a man- so I thought- and the cause of an unfair burden for you. I never wanted to be a burden. That’s why I was hiding.

In hiding, and trying to recover from the night I became exposed to you, I hurt you. And that is a tragedy. Tears don’t belong on your cheeks, unless they are of joy. I’m sorry that your cheeks felt the touch of tears of pain.

I have learned that when you are in love, you can’t hide the weakness you have as a result of your profound love for another. Actually, this is a part of a genuine love and passion. So, to you, I am exposed, and I confess this to all.

I am weak!!!!