Thailand Is More than a Place.
Following is a letter that I wrote to my love, Dang. It was concerning a very personal manner and was not written with the intention of posting. After writing, though, I felt like this is something I’d like for all to know…. a confession of sorts and an embracing of the spirit of the letter. Dang gave me permission to post publicly.
Mama, I’m writing this to you, and only you- no blogging of this…. unless you request it, for what I’m about to say is heart-felt, and I would be willing to tell the world this.
First of all, I love you!
Next, I’ve been thinking all night long (not just all night, though; I’ve been thinking for months). What I’ve been thinking of is this: How do two cultures exist in the same house? This is an important question for us, don’t you think? I do.
Well, my answer is not very well. There is a saying that keeps coming to my mind…. “A house divided cannot stand.” It means that a country has to be united. But, I think it also applies to a home, a family.
Mama…. we can’t keep looking at life through two different cultural lenses if we are to survive as Dee and Dang. (Do not worry. This is not going in the direction you might think. It’s taking us to a good place.) What I mean is that we have to stand united in the way we relate to one another and others. This has many implications.
(I may not be composing this letter in a logical order, but it is going the way I’m thinking.)
Back to a house divided. We have not really had any real problems with one another, but we have had problems with our situation that I see could lead to problems with one another. I think it wise to recognize that. These problems stem from culture. There are some irreconcilable differences between the two. I see that, and I have feared such for a long time.
Our problems arise because we are using two different rule books. When you think about it, how can anything work with people playing by different rules? It can’t.
You are having a harder time leaving Thailand than I did the States. You can’t leave. You can’t leave your job. You can’t leave your home. You can’t leave your way of life. There is a reason why, Love, and that reason is that it’s good. Thai ways are special and harmonious; so, it’s hard for you to say, “Goodbye.” U.S. ways are war-like. We fight, we strive, we struggle, we push. I said, “Goodbye,” to that rather easily. I was able to because of my love for you, yes. But, I was also able to say it because I didn’t belong there. I don’t like to fight. I don’t like to miss the good, simple things in life.
Next, let us consider our children. How can they grow up healthy with two rule books, two ways of life? I don’t think they can. I think they need a solid base to grow up on, a strong cultural base. I want our children to have a sense of identity. I want them to know what “the rules” are. They can’t be guessing, and we can’t be giving them conflicting rules.
Pulling it all together: I left the States easily. Even though I hurt sometimes, it wasn’t really as difficult as most would find it. You can’t leave Thailand, and, I believe, if you did, you would hurt beyond measure. Next, we are finding that two sets of rules are causing troubles and worries we wouldn’t have otherwise. Thirdly, our children need stability.
When we were together in Thailand, life was as it should be. We were at peace with each other and the world, as a whole. I’ve never felt that anywhere else. You are my love…. my life. Mama, I knew joy and peace. I have another love too….. Thailand and Thai ways.
Mama, this is what this whole letter is leading to…..
Let’s live by one book of rules. I will never be Thai, this is true. But, our home can be. I can honestly say that I was born in the wrong place. My heart led me to you and to Thailand. I’ve already made Thailand my home. Now, let me make Thai ways my ways. This isn’t a sacrifice for me; it’s me coming home fully and completely. Let me love the King as you love the King. Let me love our family as you do. Let me embrace a Thai peace and sense of being. I want to live peacefully, simply, and surrounded by love.
Mama, let me adopt all of Thailand as my own…. not just as the place I live, but as my home and my way of life.
In closing, I want to say this: The pain that I spoken of as of late didn’t come from too much sacrifice, or too little. It didn’t come from any form of neglect, for there has never been any of that. It didn’t come from any place other than me. I was being torn a part by a battle inside. Once I accepted what my heart was telling me- to fully embrace you and Thailand (meaning Thai ways)- the pain stopped. In doing so, balance was restored, and I settled in a good, peaceful, loving, and kind place.
Mama, not only did you bring your love into my life, you also brought a way of life that I needed to find. You pulled me to a place I was destined to be, and I’m so very, very happy about that.
Thank you, my Love.
With all my love,
Dee
